Thursday, August 12, 2010

Too selfish to let you move on .

How determine I can be?
I have been updating my blog everyday for this week.
If I do not have any pictures with me
or anymore events to update then I won't.
In other words , I have nothing better to do.

My phone is too quiet and I don't go online often
because I don't know and have no idea who to talk to.
And sometimes , I would rather spend sometime
on my bed and try to fall asleep although I am not tired.
But, I couldn't and instead of that ,
I think and imagine things that would just crash me.

I always feel sick and tired after eating 1204820984 of tablets
and skipping it for a week just feel so good , you know.

And my moodswings get even more worse than before.
I get angry even more easier right now
and I do not care about other people's feelings
then just to tell them in their face.
I forget to remind myself how to control my emotions
and I always don't like to keep everything to myself.
And now I start to wonder ,
how many people will leave soon enough.

Hmmm ,

I always think that I am as normal as other people and understands but really, I am one of the fail one tho. When the moment that I think I am cool , I always prove myself wrong. Too much heavy evidence.

Then, I realise that I am just an alien.I am evil , very evil and maybe what happened now is karma?

I am so jealous at someone.Or waitt, should I use the word 'envy' because it doesn't belong to me anymore. Or maybe it never was.I do not care and I feel like tearing everything apart to show how I actually felt inside.Very sad and complicated and then slowly, it starts to turn to jealousy due to things I heard.I do not know how to assume things correctly so I do not bother that much but still, it runs through my mind so frequently. I mean, every second.
I am so jealous
and I have no idea how long could I fight this feeling , alone.

But to think back ,
I actually deserve all these. I do not deserve to be treated like I am somebody special because I only give people disappointment and heartache. I am a loser and I am very selfish because I never try to understand and tolerate.I find excuses to deny my wrongs.
Maybe I am wrong and maybe not?

Now I feel guilty and ashame for saying I am jealous of someone that I shouldn't be jealous of.That person is so awesome and everyone likes that person so why am I complaining when I am just a big huge devil compared to that little angel in everyone's eyes. That person might just be thinking of a good solution to solve her own problems and get friends and I made it like , she's just a little bitch go around snatching it away.
How evil can I be?

So now , tell me how. How to fight this feeling which I have been fighting these past few weeks.I couldn't hold it any longer.I am sad , I am mad and I feel like dying to shoo this feeling away.If you would just understand then it will be so much easier but you wouldn't have a chance to.
Because , it's my fault for not telling you .

I am so pathetic.

And school have been awesome , I suppose.

And when bangs comes together..

gene disturb.


and when the lines join together..

And somehow , this fella and I lose connection
for a quite sometime and it comes back already nao!

Donniena :D

trust me,
it looks better like this.

How cute can she get ? :p

And I know that ,
this post is pointless but at least,
I don't leave my blog dead right ?

toodles ?


p.s Call me , green eyed monster.