Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Graduation 2016.

I wouldn't want to exaggerate how difficult this path is because I believe that every course has their own difficulties. I am also never good at describing how I truly felt and comprehend into words. So, I always say that 'I'm blessed' which I really am. 

I've never thought that I would come this far. Actually I also heard from other people that they are surprised that I've come this far with this decision. That didn't actually hurt. It actually made me really happy because I've prove them wrong. I hate this part of me. 
But I really love to do things that people said I can't do. 

I'm so thankful for being able to study abroad. Compared to the what I've learned in my uni, I am thankful for the reality I've lived in away from my family. I grew from seeing things outside of the shield my family had put me in. I used to complaint about the things that I don't have and not be thankful enough for the things that I already have. Now, I am only counting blessing. 

Besides being able to wear the mortarboard hat, I am thankful that I grew up from seeing reality. 

I graduated with a law degree. 
& I am very thankful. 


Thursday, August 18, 2016

Changed for the better.

After a year of living abroad all by myself, I am finally home. 

Actually I'm very worried of myself when I am on the plane to the UK when I first left. But, my family was so confident with me that I will be alright. It turns out that they are right. 
I never had serious homesickness that I want to come home and infact, I cherish  having alone time by myself to figure a lot of things out. I am not saying that I have a big business plan in my mind or have a concrete plan I have for my future because time changes a lot of things and dreams will always be dreams. 
I'm a very realistic person. So being away, I've found out things about myself which I never knew. 

" You've changed." 

If I hear that from someone a year ago, I will be on a panic mode because I'm so afraid that I turned out to be worse off than I thought I already am. Now, I actually take that as a compliment.

Because I wouldn't want to be the same person as I left on the plane a year ago. 

My family sent me away for a year to pursue my degree. But I believe that the major aim of them wanting me to be away from home a little while is to be independent and improve myself. 

I guess, 'self-realization' is the word. 
I've realized a lot of things and understood things that I never did. I keep holding grudges from before because things didn't turn out the way I want it to be. I keep holding on onto relationships with people which should no longer matter to me because it's tiring. I wouldn't want to associate with people which brings me no good and makes me feel tired all the time. It's sad how we started off from the same path and end up, going separate ways. 
It's sad but we gotta move on because life is shorter than we thought. I don't want to waste time on things that shouldn't matter and I don't want to waste my energy on fixing things that couldn't be fixed.

I know that it's pretty selfish. 
But, I've learned that I should love myself more. 

If I don't want to do it, I don't do it. If I want to, I do not need to give my reasoning to anyone ( except for my family, of course)

I guess, the main source of unhappiness within ourselves is because we cared too much for the things that brings us no good and cared too much for the people whom never love us as much as we love them. 

One day, all of you are going to wake up from this nightmare and realized how beautiful it is to open another window for yourself - and yourself only. 
Self-love is too important.
 Instead of putting other people's happiness in front of yours, try putting your own first. You don't need to care about people who makes you sad, you only need to care about people who care about you being happy - and that would be yourself, first. 

If someone tells you that you've changed, snap it right back at their face that it's for yourself and it is because it makes you happy. 

& if you think that I've changed. 
Instead of questioning me about the changes I made within myself, try questioning yourself why are you still at the same place you are a year ago. 

signing out.