Love is not unsustainable.

I have a love-hate relationship with facebook memories. I love it when they remind me of my bad times , making me love my current life ; and I hate it when they show me better days back then. 

This month , my facebook memories have been showing me the 'good life' back then which makes me question myself - if my life is really bad right now. 

I don't think my life is bad. I just lose the freedom and time I had. I took the days where I was alone without commitments for granted. 

What hits me right there is where - I lose to reality. 

It took me months to convince myself that it will be alright ; things will get better. But the truth, the things will not because it will keep coming and there won't be an end to this. This is reality. 

Back then, it was all rainbows and candies and I did not mentally prepare of all of this. I thought I am strong enough , determine enough , realistic enough. The truth is, I am not. I was living in a bubble where my family put around me. They do let me go out there and try , but it was still within their reach to help me. Even now, they still help me and provide me for all I can.

But there are some things , they couldn't. 

In the end, it is all up to me. 

You see, 

you can put in all your effort and do whatever you can , even if it takes to go against your own belief and put your dignity down to please somebody and they will still not look in your light. They will pick faults in your effort ; snapping your hopes away. 

It is so difficult for me - it was not a smooth journey.

Sometimes, I ask myself - why do I deserve this. 

but most of the time, I tell myself -

 I need to show them that love is not unsustainable ; and a part of me refuse to give in to that kind of reality.

Tosca

I always suggest Italian food whenever it comes to dinner ; or, it would be French. 

This is almost a year back , where he brought me out for new year's eve dinner - and also to celebrate our first month. Time really flies ; now it is already our 10th. 

We went to Tosca located in Double Tree Hilton , which is a restaurant overlooking the pool. Their restaurant is actually open aired and I am pretty lucky since I am wearing off shoulder so it was bearable. The ambiance was really great , and it's almost a full house due to their new year's eve set menu. 

They offer 6 course in the new year's eve menu , serving Italian- Malaysian fusion which is pretty interesting .

Foie Gras Terrine 

It's served in room temperature just like how I like it , which stripes of pears . The texture is very smooth , where I spread it on the bread instead of eating it alone. 

The second course was corn soup which I got a little excited that I forgot to snap a picture. 

Fresh Yabbies Angel Hair

I like how they used bisque instead of olive oil to go with the angel hair ; it made the whole dish flavourful. The roasted yabbies are pretty well seasoned but it was pretty little. 

Roasted Salmon Trout

The salmon is not fully cooked , and this showed that the chef is very confident that it's fresh. It comes with baby asparagus , salad with herbs and caviar beurre blanc. I preferred to have the salmon alone instead of going with sauce. The sauce is pretty bland , mostly taste like olive oil and mayo instead of caviar which was mentioned. 

Sous Vide Beef Pave 

This is both of our favourite dish tonight. He always love steak so it's not surprising. I don't usually choose steak but this is pretty good. Maybe cos' the steak is marinated with red wine juice. 

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It's perfect.

They actually serve Belgian Chocolate Sphere for dessert but I don't take chocolate so I changed it to tiramisu. 

Their tiramisu was amazing , since it's drenched with alcohol. They are pretty generous with the portion. 

Everything was great , and we get to watch fireworks in Element hotel right after. 

It scares me that 2018 is ending in two months time. 

and here's my selfie ; 

x.