I hate how at the last day of each year, I would read back ALL my blog post of the year and insult myself . I didn't do that last year because I swear I feel like slapping my own face off . Honestly, 2011 was such a happy year because I only remember myself blogging about happy things or stuff that you don't even care.
And,
why did my visitors didn't decrease when all I post was just stupid things which don't even make sense.
Believe it or not,
I was staring at the screen with my specs hanging low at the same day of last year (2012) since I'm reading the 2011 one and I realize my life was boring that I can't even - omfg, I wanna kill myself . SPM practically all the attention since I have been whining about how difficult SPM is AND IT IS DIFFICULT. It was quite a drama back in form 5 and I swear - it's something I would love to remember it forever. I was so immature back then.
AND YOU SEE -
Reading back makes me feels stupid, immature dumb and whatever bad things I can say to insult myself and I do at the end of every year.
The only good thing about it is only recalling the good memories and of course, realizing mistakes that we should not have done back then. Honestly, there were no regrets in 2011 because I just did everything my own way without caring. I can't believe I look so freaking ugly during prom night and nobody slap my face ...
So back to last year - although it's only the first day of the year AND SHIT ALREADY HAPPENS FML.
But it's okay.
2012 was such a depressing year for me and everything was about my feelings. I can't say I'm happy now because reading those depressing post still makes my heart thud.
I am in the stage where it is inbetween happy and sad. I'm not too happy or too sad - so I guess , it's just some mutual feelings of both. And do you know how much I don't care about things that happens around me until it have gone severe. I mean - I really don't wanna care or think too much and get myself overwhelmed by sadness all over again.
I hate how my self-esteem gets lower each day and I take all judgement into considerations and slowly not caring about them by accepting them even I sometimes doubt the truthfulness of it. I just want to prevent arguments and unnecessary things to spoil how I keep myself on track now.
I can't say I'm VERY happy or sad this year but I achieved alot of things I have wanted to do. I'm glad how determine I am and the effort I care to put in when I used to give up half way , all the time.
I was betrayed by the closest one I thought they will never betray me . I was being left at the road side by someone who I thought I could rely on, during my weakest time. I was being the topic where gets on everyone's nerves once they heard my name when I did nothing. ( ps - I can swear that I did no shits) . I was being under estimated. I was being insulted in appearance form in public . I got ignored because the closest one of mine gets sick of my crying. I even got realization that nobody would actually fully gives a fuck about you unless they are in love with you.
And,
I even realize that pretty people only get respected or unless you're filthy rich.
Society and Reality is THAT harsh .
But I know it all and accept it all now.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M ACTUALLY DOING SOMETHING LIKE THIS TO MYSELF.
But... it's okay,
You guys better give me more than a 100 views at this new year post , wtf. Omg, somebody slap me.
And here we go....
This is me during JANUARY 2012
......
this is not the worst.... SOME MORE TT
I LOOK SO BLOATED AND OMFG ASDFGHJKL...
And This is me in FEBRUARY 2012
Okay...
I can't find this dress now wtf.
-.-
And MARCH 2012
Underage clubbing woohoo.
I can't find this dress too wtf.
How many dresses I have lost in my closet?!?!?!
APRIL 2012
I can't believe I used to think this pose isn't that bad , back then...
God, duckface..
To the court with a VERY bad hair day.
MAY 2012
I love that shirt so much TT
-.-
!!!!!!
!!!!!!
JUNE 2012
This is me lining up for BBQ Plaza with my sis in Paridgm mall. I was such a bad driver AND still a bad driver.. !
Look so old...
CMI during my birthday with swollen eyes and stuff . I can't believe my friends throw me a surprise and I expected nothing.
I remember it was so depressing because I was so sad ...
How I wish feelings never exist.
OK,
MY EYES WERE REALLY SWOLLEN TT
I feel prettier now.
Why do I only have that amount of bags TT I need more colours in my life wtf.
JULY 2012
Clubbing legally , woohoo.
It was hell one of a night.
I CAN'T FIND THIS DRESS TOO OMFG.
What's with the outfit...
AUGUST 2012
I swear this picture were so yesterday..
GOD, time really flies TT
I didn't really blog on August though. I only have 9 post and I was TOP TOP TOP -ing all the way.
SEPTEMBER 2012
The ever first time , I can fit some shorts in the boutique....
AND
MY HAIR WAS BAD TT
Hi tea with ze best friend .
It's actually quite a bad picture.
Best day of September .
I stayed over at my bittccccch 's place and went shopping with her the other day. God, time machine plss.
My hair was still so red and nice back then.
I want that colour back ):
OCTOBER 2012
2 months ago :D
See how time flies?
Can I have zero make up on, not even the brows was drawn. My skin condition was so nice back then... I hate how insomnia hits me all the time.
My ever first lace dress with my yellow bag!
I never thought that I can wear green in my life because I usually look so weird in it.
MY HAIR DID GROW WTF.
Alright... I can't freaking find the bag anymore.
I should rearrange my bags soon.
NOVEMBER 2012
2nd day of the month and was excited for my red lips.
I was damn pissed about people insulting my shoes from Brands Outlet. What's wrong with Brands Outlet? Not like if every branded stuff is comfortable also -.-
Ew to materialistic and judgemental people.
Only rich people can be materialistic and I'm not rich - EVEN I LOVE CHANEL SO MUCH that I wanna buy everything but I have no money..... So, I'll google and stare at them wtf.
Brands Outlet ftw! woohoo.
During AS exam , lol.
My favorite simple black dress :D
NOVEMBER 2012
IN BANG TO THE KOK!
pavi with lazy outfit!
And December was just ...like yesterday?
Favorite ootd because my dad I finally look like a girl after 18 years of living on this earth.
He always wants me to wear pink / white and more to pastel colours where I don't have any. He even ask me not to buy dark colours anymore ):
And I hate my nose -.- SO FLAT TT
Christmas eve with my kitty ears :D
I can't believe I've change so much in 12 months - mostly in mentality.
There are quite a few happy things in 2012 , actually .
-Raqul Reed is finally revived after I have throw every freaking cent in my savings.
- I have been supporting myself without allowance for at least 5 months.- I have bought a freaking expensive asdfghjkl Jeremy Scott Adidas Original shoe for myself.
- To meet people like Jacinth , XiaoHua and the rest of the classmates where make me look forward to classes in college everyday.
- Survived 2012 wtf.
- got the Chanel bag I wanted since forever . I checked that bag before I even head to bed for the first 3 months wtf.
- To have 3 BOY LONDON tee, wtf. I was so excited when the parcel came.
- WENT TO BIG BANG CONCERT IN MALAYSIA . asdfghjkl it was the bomb. GD was like AHHHHHHH . Daesung was like OOOOOOHHHH . SEUNGRI was like LOOLOLOLOL . TY was like T______________T and TOP was like OMFG-I-AM-SO-GOING-TO-CLIMB-UP-THE-STAGE-TO-RAPE-HIM-BECAUSE-HE-IS-IN-RED-LEATHER-SKINNIES wtf.
- I was bashed online and got a slap on my freaking face because of interaction with TOP. I never been so happy getting slap by somebody before. wtf, too good to be slapped.
- Went to BKK with friends... and find out that the iphone played the song instead of the taxi's radio.
- Went redbox and dance GANGNAM STYLE with Xiao Hua & Jacinth when the three of us was so freaking broke, lol.
and ,
most of all - even it's not a happy one ,
Realizing when things are not meant to be even if feelings were there for both parties.
And so,
that's my 2012.
How about yours?
Happy New Year !
x