Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Page 363.

I would love to skip the fancy introduction of reminding you of how quick this year has gone, but I couldn't ignore it. 2014 is really moving a little quicker than I've expected. Through the whole year, everything seems to be tense and all tied up together. I can't say that I didn't rest. I did, but it is still not sufficient to ease the tiredness I feel in me. I don't think 48 hours would actually be enough for me to do what I want, and still have enough rest. 

Comparing it to 2013 where everything was going on leisure due to taking a 6 months holiday off to find direction of what I want to pursue for my future. 2013 would be the year where I learn to make decision on my own , according to myself based on my own abilities. 2013 is the year where I step out of my comfort zone and start to understand other people, trying to put myself in other's shoes. 2013 is also the year which I realized that prioritize myself is still the top on my list, linking to being considerate to other people as well.

2014 is a busy year which I am trying to weigh and balance between my responsibilities and my own leisure. Unfortunately, I couldn't get them aligned. However, it still makes me feel contented and ridiculously hopeful. As much as I hate waking up early tomorrow, I am still looking forward to it. 

2014 is where I meet different shapes and sizes of personalities and thoughts which I never once encounter in my whole life. We are all too different and couldn't be contained in the same box, but somehow we made it all through. Instead of accepting the fact of being unable to walk in the same path, we find ways to walk on the same path. We learn , from each other. In 2014, I learn to make things work instead of giving up due to tiredness. 

It's tiring, but it's worth it. 

In 2014, I learn to listen. Listening to someone and hearing someone out is relatively different, and I have finally learn that. From this , I realized that I have nothing much to say. And I realized that, having nothing to say is not wrong. Silence is sometimes the greatest comfort. I also find out that your presence is enough even if you have no words to deliver to comfort my sadness. 

In 2014, I learn that love doesn't only come out of romantic form. And also, I learn that loving someone romantically doesn't always lead to the worst heartbreak. I used to make a fuss, crying to the moon and blue when I got my heartbroken and disappointed. Now, I learn the true heartbreak through calmness. I learn that disappointment with the evidence of me unable to bare myself to anyone else again. I learn that those extreme feelings do not just deliver through evidence of breaking down with tears and screams. I learn that they would deliver though calmness and weakness of your knees even if you are sitting down. You feel drained and drowned in your own emotions, unable to comprehend the true complications in you to others. 
The true pain is where you couldn't say anything, because no words could ever comprehend them correctly.

In 2014, I learn a little more than 2013. In 2014, I am blessed with everything I have. In 2014, I learn to give in and compromise. In 2014, I learn that stepping out of your comfort zone to take a leap of faith will not always be appreciated by someone else. In 2014, I also learn that things that I think that it's worth my effort is actually things that never want to belong to me.

Despite so, 2014 is not any less awesome. 

I hope you guys enjoy your New Years Eve and get the closure you want of the year.

loves xx.