Wednesday, December 10, 2014

The time of the year.

I know that it is difficult to detach yourself from people whom come into your life and changes your thoughts and perception over things , implying thoughts which had never came across your mind and teach you a life lesson. It is difficult to dissociate the moments you have with these people and forget about their presence in your life , and perhaps it will take a lot of work to genuinely accept that they don't stay - forever. 

People leave , often they outgrow you thus drifting apart from you and it may happen vice versa. 

Therefore , there is only one chance to create a perfect picture for you to store at the back of your mind and make you realize that their presence in your life is worth the whole roller coaster ride. As much as you want to deny it, there is only two extreme ends on the scale to rate it. It's either they do stay forever physically, or they leave. 

Either way, forever still applies. The only difference is they would be the person you wake up to every morning , or they would be taken as a picture stored in your memory at the back of your mind. 

In a lifetime, everyone is only granted a chance to make a decision which will end up changing their life forever. I never liked to play on the safe side , making things ordinary. I don't like to missed out opportunities with things that may happen. Even if it did not turn out as I expected , I'll have no regrets despite needing to pick up the broken pieces by myself and fix it all over again. It irks me to walk on a fragile line, taking every step carefully being afraid to fall. Thus, I will never want to put myself in a situation where there is no ends and be ignorant about things that is slowly arising.

I take chances because I seek for closures. I need a validation of what is going to happen because I'm too old for mind games. I want to keep things simple. I refuse to put myself into labyrinth and search for a way out. It'll be too exhausting and complicated. I can't handle it , and I also can't handle staying  in the same place wandering around having no aims. 

I need directions. I need validation. 

All of this involves a lot of courage ; and often, they only rise within me when the year comes to an end. I only emphasize them a little bit more on December. I just want an ending at the last chapter of the book. I don't like hanging onto it when I start a new book, needing me to battle within myself to pay attention on the previous - the past. 

So far, December always end up pretty badly - and I think that December is definitely not my month. Desperately , I wish something would change my thought of this before I start hating on December. 

Trying to plant in a little optimism in me, I believe that the next December will be beautiful. 
It may not be , but I will hold on to this belief.