Sunday, September 21, 2014


Despite being a Gemini whom is usually indecisive and wanting both choices at once, I could probably be one of the outcast. And perhaps that originality of Gemini qualities only applies when I am doing my shopping, unable to choose the colour of my clothings or bags. But when it comes to things regarding to feelings and important choices of life, I would ask myself at least twice about what I want.

I often ask myself questions about things that complicates me. I don't want anymore mess and unnecessary complications which brings no good in the end. So I often search for an answer quick to know where I want to stand along the decisions which have to be make in the end. 

Thus, I always know what I want and what I don't want.

I don't know if my decision is right this time because the previous time had me suffered way too much that I've imagined. I never regret my choices and if it ends me up in sorrows, I will gladly take it. There is a concrete wall forbidding me to put myself in that kind of situation again. And I don't like to be in the position where I've let someone know my thoughts and wait for their answers to my questions and thoughts. I know what I want and I often, wish the other party feels the same. 
But, they are not me - and they are not obligated to feel the same as how I do. 

I don't know though. 

I don't know if it's right to take the first step into this place which either brings me to heaven or hell. Either it brings be to the best or the worst. Thinking about it makes my stomach turn. Despite there is no fear, there is still wondering because I haven't hear what I desire to hear. And perhaps it will never come.

Standing inbetween the line of  'if it's fated, then it will happen' and ' if you want it, then go get it' , I'll choose the first one. I've chose the second one twice and it breaks me up badly. My heart couldn't take the risk for the third time. 

Just like gambling - just that the chips I put on the table are my feelings. If I win this round, I win. If I lose, then there is nothing left. 

 There is no explanation because it is just fate. It's fated that how things are supposed to be.