Sunday, September 12, 2010

Tell me that I am still worth it.

Year 2012.
Do you actually believe that it would happen? I bet most of you didn't care.Well to be honest, so do I.When I first watch the movie, I really didn't give a damn.But nowadays when I spend sometime alone, I tend to think , to think what's gonna happen tomorrow and wonder am I still gonna be here at the same place, doing the same things tomorrow or my existence already vanished in this world.I know that I really think too much.But how sure am I?How sure am I that I am not gonna be in the hospital lying down on the bed with tubes all over my body and wait for death.How sure am I that I can cross the road safe and soundly.Maybe a lorry bang me and my body tear int pieces.
Well , nothing is sure in the future.

But I will do ten things before I die ,

Write a letter to everyone I concern.

To be honest,I am not much a good person.I believe that nine out of ten of my friends agree that.I'm stubborn and selfish(I think).I always hope that people can understand and agree with my thoughts.I barely take in people's comment but I still do agree with them.I am not like some other bitches that go "WHATEVER.I AM STILL CORRECT SO FOLLOW MY WAY". I only do that when I am very confident with myself.And sometimes when I lay down on my bed before I sleep, I wonder how can people tolerate with me all along especially those who have been my side for so many years.Aren't they tired of me?Yes, I do feel sorry and guilty.I have nuisance okay.And this letter is for those who have been living in hell when I am around.Nothing much , just to apologise and tell them that how important they are,to me.

Eat BR ice cream for a night as dinner.

I know this might be crazy.But really, that's all I want to do before I die.Ice cream is way too important for me!

Cook a Meal for my family.

I have only baked for them, not cook and nomatter how fail my cookies and cupcake was , they still praise it and say that it's tasty.They never did give up on me and always gmh especially daddy.He's like a superman to me.I have no idea why he have so much faith on me.He never get depress when something bad is happening but smile like it's nothing.I can lie on the hospital bed like a half dead fish, he still come around telling me ,"so what do you want to eat for lunch tomorrow after getting discharged" when he knows that I can't even get down the bed!He gives me everything I want.He loves me so much and I could feel it.He have 4 phones and all of his phone wallpapers is my face!Mum too, trying real hard.And my siblings who barely knows a thing what's happening to me is still there for me.Grandparents who have been there supporting me. Oh my god, why is my family so awesome? (; I love my family, I love my dad. I am gonna cook for them because I know they will give me thumbs up although it suck a whole lot.And that's all that matters.

Go for a Vacation , ALONE.

I just want to spend sometime for myself to think about my past and present.If I'm dying so there's no future for me.I want to spend a few days thinking what I have been through.Recall back those happy,sad,frustrating,heartbreaking moments that I have been through and laugh at them, get over them and be happy.Spend sometime looking around alone without any people disturbing my thoughts.And also, spend sometime thinking how to make those people around me to be more happier without me taking part in their future.

Do something insane.

Yes,Bungee jump is already scary to me.Indeed it's something really crazy, it's just jumping off the building.Or do something like , sleeping in the middle of the road during midnight or sing out so loud in the library until the librarians kick me out and ban me.Try to swallow down 100 chickens in a day or eat a kilogram of chilli padi.Do something that I wouldn't do normally and something that I won't regret.

Sleep beside or on a beach.

I know it's something normal but really,I have never try to sleep on the beach till the next morning.I just want to listen to the wave of the sea and feel the air of nature.It would be relaxing, no?

Take picture of everything and make it into a notebook.

I like to camwhore, alot if you know me.And this time, I don't mean to take picture of my face only.I want to take picture of everything I like and think it's beautiful then make it into a storybook.Okay fine, I will also camwhore too! But it's my storybook or notebook or whatever it's called! so sure must have my face one :p

Kill the 3rd cockroach in my life.

I am really afraid of cockroaches okay.I didn't even have guts to google the word "cockroach" by itself because I know the picture of the real ones will pop out and it gives me goosebumps when I see it, even it pictures so I chickened out then I add "Cartoon" infront. Okay I'm such a loser but really this thing is damn eww.I killed the first one with Kamus Dewan.I was studying on my bed for my finals during form 3 for pmr , I guess.I saw it crawling on my wall so I ask my sister to kill it but they're more chickened out than I am so they ask me to do the killing because I'm the eldest, i have to protect the young ones so I have to do it.So, I took out the air refresher thing to spray on it till it fell on the floor.The moment it fell , I run back to my bed and it's still moving so I throw whatever I have there including my books.I throw all my magazines but I didn't even touch it, my aiming sucks fyi so I quickly ran over and throw a kamus dewan there and ran back but my sis ask me to step on it for incase so yeah, I did and I took it up and it's dead yay? I killed the second one in the car today.I saw it near my leg and I got so terrified and I ter-step on it.It was an accident,I swear. I am not gonna wear the slippers again, ever. EWWW.

See FAHRENHEIT(L) again.

I am deeply in love with Calvin,the second one from the right and I am a supporter for Fahrenheit for freaking 4 years.I have a whole collection of their album, movies and etc etc.I have at least 40 posters of them at home.Yes, I am that crazy over them or should I say, Calvin.I stalk them like everyday, on the net of course.If I can stop them in real,I would.And everytime they come to Malaysia and also have events here, I will try my best to attend.I only miss out two fyi.And everytime they talk to me,I go all crazy and couldn't even sleep for at least 3 nights.I spend half of my sleeping time thinking about them talking to me, shaking my hands. AHHHHHHH *screams* how can they be so charming :D:D:D:D:D I won't die if I don't see them, again.

Tell that person how much he/she mean to me.

It's almost the same as the first one but this time, I shall not write but do it.Because I want to tell people that I can do the same , can give in like how they do.I always put myself in the center of spotlight but to be honest, they are the center of spotlight in my heart.I won't give up on them no matter what.I might not be doing anything but I never give up. Always and forever.

And sometimes, I think I think too much.


p.s a hard day to go tomorrow.How many reports I have taken in these two months? );