As I grow up, people change - in a good or bad way , and sometimes people gets weirder. Like me, my grammatical errors is still there and I couldn't care less about it anymore unless you could do me a favor of telling me what went wrong. Yes, that's not the main point of the post. I just want to ease the atmosphere before going in depth to what I wanna say , which probably would offend people.
When we are young, we grow up want to be princesses to be loved by prince charming and to be saved all the time. But when we grew up, we realized that there's no prince charming and everything resolves much about being rich and famous. The realistic world is materialistic. Perhaps there is a group of people who doesn't fancy expensive things, but they do crave for the fame in every aspect. Do you get hold of what I am trying to say?
I understand that people grow with their age. No one stays innocent forever. It's good to have some changes in life to improve yourself, to be someone better. But to improve doesn't mean you need to follow where everyone is heading to. You don't need to be on the same path because everyone improves in their own way. You can do things you like to please yourself.
But what I don't understand is, why people are doing things they don't like to make other people jealous or amuse?
Maybe insecurities did kill them inside out because once you give in, you cannot never get a hold of yourself and fall deeper. Because once you feel good when someone gives you the attention and affection you have been craving for , you will never stop. Why spend the money and time to prove someone that you could be like them just to impress them?
To be honest, sometimes I have thoughts like that and I want to do it to show the people who look down on me to choke them on their words. In the end, I shrugged it off because I realized that it's not worth it.
Why would I want to impress you when you are not even fond of me?
Isn't it ridiculous to spend money to fit in? Isn't it stupid to buy things you don't need because all of them have one? Isn't sad that you have to accept anyone that throws themselves at you because you are alone and lacking on attention?
We are no angels, definitely not a saint. We feel sad, angry and jealous. We crave for a way out when we are lonely. So, don't feel bad. Don't even feel bad for feeling this way. People feel like this sometimes, and it's normal.
What is not normal is, changing these emotions and feelings to hatred and doing things that only hurt yourself.
Perhaps you really like to go on fancy restaurants to have a good dinner. Perhaps you buy all the designer bags because one bag is not enough. But when it comes to the point where you only order a glass of drink in that fancy restaurant or to starve for months to buy the bag , then it's proves it all. It proves that you are trying way too hard. I know that it's difficult when you are not up to people's expectations and I know that it hurts when people is talking about a certain topic and you can't blend in.
It's really okay.
What really matters is, not losing yourself.
Don't lose yourself to sink into the mind set of only doing things to be one of 'them'. Never forget when the starting path is at , and the aims you have for yourself from the beginning. We will have distractions along the way to reach what we want to be, but we could ignore it and fight it through. We can don't care about a lot of things that don't matter. It's difficult to ignore the words that stabs into you, but it's more difficult to find yourself back once you've gone to the wrong path.
I wonder if my brain works well better at night , or the midnight thoughts always give me a rhythm to type. My mind is going to kill me soon if I don't sleep early. Unless I need to do something important , if not I think it's better for me to fall asleep. I think , I think way too much.
Oh well what I really want to say is,
you can always improve , but not upgrade.