Sunday, August 12, 2012

So Hurt.

It's currently 5 in the morning and here I am , still wide awake. 

I just had the most terrible family dinner I have almost 8 hours ago. I've never been that angry, frustrated and hurt even if I have argument with my family members. It hurts so bad that I couldn't suppress my feelings any longer that I burst out to tears just right infront of everyone. It's so embarrassing and definitely annoying but I can't control it anymore.

I swear,
I'm not removing this blog post if any of my family member reads this. This is the only place I could just express how I feel. I won't let you or anyone to take away my only way to getaway from the reality.

I haven't been skinny in my entire life & trust me, every fat person did try to find every way and any way to loose weight. You can say if I tried harder, I might have already go into the stage of being a M size but trust me, it's not as easy as it seems. I'm trying so hard that I don't even know what to do anymore.

Maybe I was wrong in my previous post. People don't need make up to look better if they already look good. And maybe that's why I've always say make up is good , make up is awesome - the truth is , putting on make up just make me look a little better and less insults could be heard. 

One of my family just insulted me with his 8 year old son. 

I'm hurt,
inside out. 

I can't fight back for myself for sake of the harmony of the family. I have to swallow my pride and put those dignity away to accept things which is not the truth. I have to accept every word of insult with a nod eventhough it says nothing about me. When I want to fight back for myself, they asked me to keep quiet. 

Why must I tolerate it every single time?
Just because I'm younger, they could insult me all I want. Just because I'm younger, they could just throw a brick at my face and make me smile and say, it didn't even hurt. Just because I'm younger, they could throw jokes around that hurt my feelings.
Just because I'm younger, Just because I'm fucking younger.

Why can't anyone stand in my shoes and think of my feelings too?

Where can I turn into when family isn't the place I can depend on...

You guys named it 'teenage problems' but really, it could change everything in future. And trust me when I say insult is not going to make things improve but worse off. 

Sorry for not being pretty enough.