Just came back from a trip to PD.

HAPPY NEW YEAR. 

xx

Guilty craves.

I really dislike it when I have a craving for something. This means that, I am talking about food. As you know that I have been trying so hard to lose weight , and I certainly don't want to gain them back in a short time. Compare to last time, I have lose my enthusiasm in exercising. So I go to the gym less , and after that I lose all my motivation. I do visit the gym but not as often as I should be going. I do feel guilty - definitely depressed when I stand on the weighing machine but at one point , I just let it all loose. Maybe I'm tired of losing weight. 

And it's really bad that I am craving for burger when I don't even do cardio. 

But in the end, 

I still visit burger lab TT

Just look at the cheese, peanut butter and jam filling. It taste so damnnnn gooooood. 

This is Jammin on Elvis , and I recommend this. It might not be on the menu so you can just tell them this is your choice. I don't know how the secret menu works , but JS recommend me this and it's really yummy. I always regret ordering a set because I don't really like how the fries goes. I can't finish the whole set tho. 

I think that the OUG branch is a better choice compare to their main branch at Seapark. We might need to queue , to just order and find seats. But, the branch in OUG don't literally chase people away. I still want to sit there after I finish my burger, and refill my drink ok?!?! asdfghjkl  . 

This is too much. 

I feel like dying by just finishing one. How on earth could - ... oh well.

Happy me and burger 

ps now, all the guilt comes. 

This me holding my burger and kevan showing his finished food still feeling hungry. 

Somehow, I love how our expression are. I look ridiculously happy and Kevan always look so damn adorable when he is doing expression for camera. Sad that he is going back to UK soon. Not to mention that, this is the first time he have burger lab and ate two in one night. 

Oh well, 

what's your craving now?

Four seats away.

The weather might be cold enough to make me shiver , but not as much as how cold my heart feels. It was just four seats away from the one who make me shattered back two years ago. The countless nights of listening to him talk, the countless hope I've received over years of my living life feeling insecure of my weight and my body , and also to the countless heartbreaks and disappointment which suffocates me.

It was just four seats away , and it draws such a huge distance inbetween. I'm not sure if it's my shattered heart or the one whom didn't bother of the broken soul in me. Looking at beautiful sky showing hints of pink and light blue, feeling the cold breeze kiss my skin made me realize that I had enough of shivering in this cold - in this pain, alone . The hopes where I hold on to for the past two years , never existed and was created to make an illusion that if I'd work hard to become a person he prefer , his heart will beat in sync with mine. Yet , after two long years - I find out that this never existed , it was all lies. Something that I held onto , working so hard for - never existed.

It was all lies, false scene which made me fell into the trap of fairytale world.

I know the fact that he didn't love me once - of course , no one would fell for a girl whom have tons of flabs hanging around their body marking the figure on the weighing machine saying that she is close to obese state. It wasn't hard to make me acknowledge the fact that he never love me , the hard part is to accept it. To accept that I was a somebody , to accept that I might be appreciated after all the work is done.

In the end, I lost it all.

I didn't only lose my heart to someone whom actually never did care. I didn't only lose my self-respect to the people whom make fun of me for putting such a show. I didn't only lose 23kilograms. I didn't only lose my time crying.
And, it all didn't hurt until I realized that  - I lose myself for the love which I thought it existed.

Four seats away had never been so far. I didn't speak , or look at the reason of the pain I think about for almost 2 years. I didn't want to cry for this pain which I actually brought myself into. I didn't want to make a fuss so I bit my bottom lip from time to time , thinking why wouldn't he save me when I'm drowning. It was just four seats away - and he could just call my name , but instead he kill me in this cold weather drowning me  into the sea of thoughts.

I know that it's coming but it still hurts as bad as it should be. I'm sorry that giving in so many things wouldn't make me look better in his eyes. I'm sorry that I am not good or pretty enough to his expectation. I'm so sorry that I couldn't alter anymore of myself for him. And I did spend sleepless night , thinking of how we would be after the figure showing on the weighing machine gone down.

I could change myself and give in for anything in the world , for someone whom I love to love me back. I could give in the world , at the point of losing my reason to love. I could do much more things than somebody could imagine.


But ,
when a person doesn't love you means they won't love you no matter how good you are.


Maybe I'll stop thinking about you , about us and get some sleep tonight. It has been so long that I have a good sleep.
& when I wake up, I'll let everything go.

written on Dec 12 , 2012

bitchesalwaysplayinnocent

You think you're better because you are pretty good at making things up about me?

You think I care about what you think and what you said?

Think again.

Don't be silly , my dear. 

bitchesalwaysplayinnocent

and,  

zerofuckisgiven

MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS !

lots of love.

Merry Merry the Eve.

Because my girlfriends are better than yours .

Party from the Roof to Zouk during Christmas Eve . We definitely live wild , young and free.

Did you have fun?

MERRY CHRISTMAS 

X

In HKD #3

Hong Kong is all about shopping , thus they have many nice malls which is located side by side. I don't really remember which shopping mall it is , but it's near Avenue of Stars. And to your delight, this post have more scenery and decorations views compared to my face. Besides that, it's so difficult to take such artistic pictures. We do have pretty Christmas decorations in Malaysia but the one I see in HK was far better - definitely a lot of money spent on that. I love how strong the Christmas vibe is , in Hong Kong.

This is so artistic , no ?

Group pictures with pretty Christmas deco :)

I believe that I've mention how much I love lights hanging around the ceiling. I really like people who put effort on little details . As you can see from the picture, they even designed the whole hallway about Disney cartoons with Christmas themed on the red carpet. 

Before this, look at me first . lol.

My awkward smile and crooked eye .

I took alot of little details of the pretty decorations. They are really pretty. 

I am not a Christian but Christmas is definitely one of the most favorite celebration of the year.Everyone loves December. It's a month where you start to recap what you had done the whole year , having holidays and spend sometime with the people who matter the most in your life. I'm pretty blessed that I am in HK where the weather is slightly chilly. I'd wish Malaysia have four seasons tho - with the winter just like HK , not the ones with crazy snow storm.

Our group photos are always better in selfies. 

And more pictures when the sun starting to set . It was breathtaking.

God, I miss this so much. It's really beautiful

Have I mention that alot of luxury brands in HK is huge. They often have more than one floor, or just hog up the whole building. 

I'm not a Tiff&Co girl , I'd prefer something less girly haha.

1891 Heritage hotel with a few high end branded shops. It's so beautiful. It would be perfect for a wedding photoshoot. 

We spent the whole day walking and really, the boys do alot more shopping than girls. I am so glad that girl's clothing are cheaper than the boys. Thank goodness for the cute dresses with affordable price from blogshops . 

Even if shopping is addicting , we need to keep the growling stomach quiet.

Picked a typical " Char Chan Teng" to search for locality . KimGary and Wong Kok is not enough, I swear.

Why the char siew taste so much better in HK?!?!!

WHY!

Goose Rice which we could hardly find in Malaysia .

Tomato sauce based spaghetti .

I can't believe I used chopsticks to eat spaghetti which is rather weird. 

After dinner, we lifelessly stroll around the streets. I really love the streets in HK - with pretty huge lights to attract attention , not to mention the chilly weather. I'd prefer to stay at home for aircon back home. 

Loving this group picture so much.

And then we head to Victoria Harbor which I requested as a part of itinerary of this trip. 

This is so overwhelming . 

:)

I almost freeze to death, sitting by the side but it was all worth it. Night view calms me down in a way , and makes me think about a lot of things. 

I think this is one of the place where everyone should visit when they are in HK. 

The beauty is beyond words.

And ,

I'll end this post with a blur group picture taken by some random guy we asked on the street.

x

Lounge on the Park .

What do you think about me in white lace?

This is the first white lace dress I bought and feeling good about it. I used to hate plain colours and hated tshirts but look at me now , dressing up as black as dull as ever. I've bought so many tshirts , especially oversized ones - it's beyond comfy. 

White lace represent pure, dreamy and fairytale.

I could say that I am nothing close to white, and of course not exactly towards black. I like bright colours , typically neon but nowadays I don't buy such bright colours anymore. One of the reason is, people would easily recognize it and wouldn't be able to repeat it. Oh well ~

On a friday , my friends and I decided to go for afternoon tea. I can't say it as my girls because there's one dude tagging along. I wanted to try Ritz Carlton but I accidentally say Mandarin Oriental , so Bernice booked Mandarin Oriental. 

We ordered a Christmas themed set and the normal set which is available , each of the set cost RM 78++ . To be honest, I'm pretty disappointed when I see the amount of goods they serve and there's nothing special towards the taste side. It's only presentable. We ordered two sets for 5 person which is enough because I don't really like most of the cakes they serve. The scones isn't as good as the ones in Majestic.

But,

they do have great teas. They have different kind of tea and I choose the typical Early Grey to play safe. But, I like Jacinth's choice of blackcurrant and hibiscus tea. I know it sound really weird that you add hibiscus ( our national flower) in a tea. Surprisingly, it's really smooth and sweet. It's totally a girl thing. Instead of pouring from my own pot, I took hers. I swear patriotism did something good sometimes, lol. 

I love how fairytale like this picture is. 

It's so difficult to give people this white side of me when you can only think of neon yellow or red when you see my face. 

So I need to camwhore more. 

Hey Jac.

I also do natural based make up with thin eyeliner and draw my waterline below my lids. Also, I used lip gloss instead of bright colours which I always use. 

What do you think?

Being in such pretty ambiance and nice outfits , we need to CAMWHORE more- LIKE MORE MORE MORE. 

Hey, to Bernice.

Girls.

It's funny how our outfit goes, and how contradict it is.

Elegant Black to Classy White , to Vintage Navy Polka Dot and Basic Stripes .

We have almost filled up all the themes for fashion. It's really amusing about how everyone's outfit always contrast. It's nice because we will never clash outfits. 

And here is my ootd with the pretty Christmas decorations they have in the hotel ;

Loving how the cut out at the back. 

No way that I will buy a white lace dress which covers up everything. I don't want to look all pure and innocent. It's not I'm hating on people who look like that, but to me it's just a disguise to fit in the society. I don't know how it works in them but I think pretending is totally tiring and stupid. But then, being too straight forward is not good either. 

I don't know. What do you think?

Okay, that's deep. 

Ming.

Black x White.

Why our outfit forever contrast?

Group pic to sum up the day.

I can't wait for the next. 

I'll just give Mandarin Oriental the score of 6/10 . Well, that's my personal opinion. You can always try out . 

xx