As the days goes by, I have this feeling crippling into me. It is really disturbing , because it is invading my rationalism that I always put in the first line of everything. It's scaring me about how time passes. I remember that I always complain about why does it take so long to grow up. Now, I am begging for the time to slow down a little - to allow me to feel more, see more and understand more things in life. Everything happens too fast. Once you've got it, you lose it. It feels like a dream; dreams are powerful but it doesn't last. I want something that is real. I dislike to have doubts in between.
Perhaps I am not ready. Or maybe, this is because I have nothing to look forward to. That's why I want time to slow down. To allow me to get back to the normal pace, but time doesn't wait. Just because you want to have a break to slow down doesn't mean people will stop for you to. There is so much I want to do, but do not have the courage to. I've fail quite a number of times that I am afraid. Next time, the disappointment might hurt less but..it still hurts.
I have lose people, I've been broken. I loved. I healed.
We only live once, and we are only young once. I know that this is the time where I go through the different phrases of life and grow from it. So, I always try. I go all in for everything because I don't want the days where I feel that I have enough and reminisce to something that I never do. I don't want the scene of me blaming myself for not doing something when I have the chance to.
You see, you only got to do it when you have the chance. Second chances are too rare - and mostly, it don't exist.
As the days pass, I think of the consequences too much. I fear. I never feel so afraid of doing something.And I don't even know why. I don't want to face the defeat with time. I don't want to lose to time. I have so many things I want to do, and I have so many plans to propose to create memories to fill in the lines of my youth. But I'm so tied down with fear and I hate it.
We are always losing to time no matter how quick we are.
You can only enjoy when you have it. You can only love when you have it.
Appreciate everything - the laughter, the love, the sweet bitter moments and even the sadness in it. They are all cherish-able.
It's going to be the fourth month of 2015. It's less than half a year to a foreign place where I always look forward to. But why do I feel so sad and afraid as the time come close? I thought I've always looking forward to it.
Maybe I'm already ready to be there, but not ready for things to change.