Monday, August 25, 2014


It's currently 5 in the morning and I just got home. It has been awhile since I have driven such a long distance, and I'm thankful for people who offer to give me rides from time to time. It was raining and the song played on the radio is sad, it makes me feels heavy. My heart feels heavy. The journey home was long , or maybe it's because I've missed a few turning. I couldn't multi task when I drive. 

This sadness filled up my chest , but not enough for me to cry. I think I've cried enough for the same person over years. My feelings are not feelings anymore. I enjoy missing that person because overall, he opened up my door towards my imagination of falling in love and break my heart into littler pieces that I could handle myself well. 
You just know when things comes to an end. You just know, but most of us always want to push the reality away - thinking that we would find back the happiness we once had if we hold on. Don't be silly, baby. It's not going to come back. You know when you tried enough and you had give your all , and you still don't get what you want. I am that kind of person that I always find reasons to stay even I could just simply throw one incident on the table to leave. I don't give up on people easily because I know that they're worth it. 

I want to sound cool, you know. 

I want to sound like it's easy to forget and forgive despite it drew such a deep wound in my heart. It still hurts, it hurt so much that I don't even want to mention about it. I know that it's slowly healing , and it's going to leave a scar. This is going to leave an impact in my life , perhaps until I die. No wonder they say 'the first time is always the one you remember'. I think I understand now.

I can't wait to meet someone that stays up only by thinking of me. I can't wait to be someone's everything. And, I can't wait for someone to thinks that I look pretty eventhough I'm in a mess.

I can't wait to meet someone that makes me happy.