It's almost March ; and it marks three months ever since I started working officially. I have went through a few jobs , mostly part time or it is really free and easy. Not that my job is very tough for me right now, but everyday, I need to remind myself that this job is only temporary , only temporary. I repeat it so many times a week , only to realize that I am just convincing myself. My colleagues are the ones who keeps me going , and we are all here because this is just a phrase of life before figuring ourselves out.
I am rarely sour of other people's achievements, but lately I have been feeling more of it than usual. Instead of getting jealous or what sort, I was just thinking - if I would have work a little bit more harder, I might not be stuck in this phrase and 'having a delay' right now. This feeling triggers my insecurity and makes me feel like a mess , where I could not do anything right.
In the end, I could only blame myself for not working hard enough. Because right now up till this point, I still believe in hard work instead of luck. Luck is just another way of comforting ourselves when we fail; and I prefer to accept my own fault and move on. But still, I could not forgive myself.
As time is ticking, I am starting to get a little paranoid.
Things have been going accordingly throughout but this time, it didn't. And it doesn't feel good.