Saturday, February 13, 2016

Nothing inside.

It has been half a year since I left home to the UK. Ever since I step into the UK, I never once settled down. I have been travelling to different places, almost every weekend. My schedules are always packed and I am often tied with a lot of things - assignment, day trips, short getaway and some activities that I never thought I'll be engaged in. I can proudly say that I am a busy person here which do not allow me to have time to have homesickness. 
Well, I am pretty independent - if not, I have to force myself to be because drowning in unnecessary sea of emotions is dreadful. I have been there and done that. There is no way that it will happen again.

It is all good in the day because I have companions and infact, interesting conversations. The more people we meet, the more we realize how much of a person we have become. It's either you want to be as good as them or never want to be like them. You just learn - from meeting new people and also, travelling. It changes your mindset and everyday you aim to be a better person the next day.
It is all positive until you come home at night. Where you take out your shoes, open the door and turn on the lights. The lights are on and your things are still where they are before you leave the house, however you still feel empty.

I feel empty. 
It feels like I come home to nothingness. Not enough to call it lonely, but I felt so alone. 

I don't feel like that every single time I come home but some days where things gone wrong, that is exactly how I feel. It is nothing that I want to feel but it just hits, you know. And it just hurts out of no where. The only comforting voice I want to hear is from my grandma's. So I pick up the phone and called. 

" What do you want?" 

That is the first thing I get from her every single time I call her. However, she will be smiling over the screen that warms my heart. I shake my head and say nothing much.

I guess this is how it feels like to miss home.