Tell me that I am still worth it.

Year 2012.
Do you actually believe that it would happen? I bet most of you didn't care.Well to be honest, so do I.When I first watch the movie, I really didn't give a damn.But nowadays when I spend sometime alone, I tend to think , to think what's gonna happen tomorrow and wonder am I still gonna be here at the same place, doing the same things tomorrow or my existence already vanished in this world.I know that I really think too much.But how sure am I?How sure am I that I am not gonna be in the hospital lying down on the bed with tubes all over my body and wait for death.How sure am I that I can cross the road safe and soundly.Maybe a lorry bang me and my body tear int pieces.
Well , nothing is sure in the future.

But I will do ten things before I die ,

Write a letter to everyone I concern.

To be honest,I am not much a good person.I believe that nine out of ten of my friends agree that.I'm stubborn and selfish(I think).I always hope that people can understand and agree with my thoughts.I barely take in people's comment but I still do agree with them.I am not like some other bitches that go "WHATEVER.I AM STILL CORRECT SO FOLLOW MY WAY". I only do that when I am very confident with myself.And sometimes when I lay down on my bed before I sleep, I wonder how can people tolerate with me all along especially those who have been my side for so many years.Aren't they tired of me?Yes, I do feel sorry and guilty.I have nuisance okay.And this letter is for those who have been living in hell when I am around.Nothing much , just to apologise and tell them that how important they are,to me.

Eat BR ice cream for a night as dinner.

I know this might be crazy.But really, that's all I want to do before I die.Ice cream is way too important for me!

Cook a Meal for my family.

I have only baked for them, not cook and nomatter how fail my cookies and cupcake was , they still praise it and say that it's tasty.They never did give up on me and always gmh especially daddy.He's like a superman to me.I have no idea why he have so much faith on me.He never get depress when something bad is happening but smile like it's nothing.I can lie on the hospital bed like a half dead fish, he still come around telling me ,"so what do you want to eat for lunch tomorrow after getting discharged" when he knows that I can't even get down the bed!He gives me everything I want.He loves me so much and I could feel it.He have 4 phones and all of his phone wallpapers is my face!Mum too, trying real hard.And my siblings who barely knows a thing what's happening to me is still there for me.Grandparents who have been there supporting me. Oh my god, why is my family so awesome? (; I love my family, I love my dad. I am gonna cook for them because I know they will give me thumbs up although it suck a whole lot.And that's all that matters.

Go for a Vacation , ALONE.

I just want to spend sometime for myself to think about my past and present.If I'm dying so there's no future for me.I want to spend a few days thinking what I have been through.Recall back those happy,sad,frustrating,heartbreaking moments that I have been through and laugh at them, get over them and be happy.Spend sometime looking around alone without any people disturbing my thoughts.And also, spend sometime thinking how to make those people around me to be more happier without me taking part in their future.

Do something insane.

Yes,Bungee jump is already scary to me.Indeed it's something really crazy, it's just jumping off the building.Or do something like , sleeping in the middle of the road during midnight or sing out so loud in the library until the librarians kick me out and ban me.Try to swallow down 100 chickens in a day or eat a kilogram of chilli padi.Do something that I wouldn't do normally and something that I won't regret.

Sleep beside or on a beach.

I know it's something normal but really,I have never try to sleep on the beach till the next morning.I just want to listen to the wave of the sea and feel the air of nature.It would be relaxing, no?

Take picture of everything and make it into a notebook.

I like to camwhore, alot if you know me.And this time, I don't mean to take picture of my face only.I want to take picture of everything I like and think it's beautiful then make it into a storybook.Okay fine, I will also camwhore too! But it's my storybook or notebook or whatever it's called! so sure must have my face one :p

Kill the 3rd cockroach in my life.

I am really afraid of cockroaches okay.I didn't even have guts to google the word "cockroach" by itself because I know the picture of the real ones will pop out and it gives me goosebumps when I see it, even it pictures so I chickened out then I add "Cartoon" infront. Okay I'm such a loser but really this thing is damn eww.I killed the first one with Kamus Dewan.I was studying on my bed for my finals during form 3 for pmr , I guess.I saw it crawling on my wall so I ask my sister to kill it but they're more chickened out than I am so they ask me to do the killing because I'm the eldest, i have to protect the young ones so I have to do it.So, I took out the air refresher thing to spray on it till it fell on the floor.The moment it fell , I run back to my bed and it's still moving so I throw whatever I have there including my books.I throw all my magazines but I didn't even touch it, my aiming sucks fyi so I quickly ran over and throw a kamus dewan there and ran back but my sis ask me to step on it for incase so yeah, I did and I took it up and it's dead yay? I killed the second one in the car today.I saw it near my leg and I got so terrified and I ter-step on it.It was an accident,I swear. I am not gonna wear the slippers again, ever. EWWW.

See FAHRENHEIT(L) again.

I am deeply in love with Calvin,the second one from the right and I am a supporter for Fahrenheit for freaking 4 years.I have a whole collection of their album, movies and etc etc.I have at least 40 posters of them at home.Yes, I am that crazy over them or should I say, Calvin.I stalk them like everyday, on the net of course.If I can stop them in real,I would.And everytime they come to Malaysia and also have events here, I will try my best to attend.I only miss out two fyi.And everytime they talk to me,I go all crazy and couldn't even sleep for at least 3 nights.I spend half of my sleeping time thinking about them talking to me, shaking my hands. AHHHHHHH *screams* how can they be so charming :D:D:D:D:D I won't die if I don't see them, again.

Tell that person how much he/she mean to me.

It's almost the same as the first one but this time, I shall not write but do it.Because I want to tell people that I can do the same , can give in like how they do.I always put myself in the center of spotlight but to be honest, they are the center of spotlight in my heart.I won't give up on them no matter what.I might not be doing anything but I never give up. Always and forever.


And sometimes, I think I think too much.

love

p.s a hard day to go tomorrow.How many reports I have taken in these two months? );

Be my past, my present and my future.

Today's genting family trip was awesome.
but genting's weather is just crazy.
It was so damn bloody hot on tuesday
and today , it rain almost the whole day.
It was so packed like we're in some sardin can
or something , couldn't even breathe. mg.

And I didn't really get much pictures from genting.
Slept really late and was so cmi D:

Outing with the usual bunch when we were in form1,2
in pyramid, AGAIN TT and I look through the pictures
and realise we really do changed alot.

oh, btw I like the first picture I post.
HEHEHEHEHHEEHHE :D

And shoo, we was suppose to be there at 11am
and as usual, we are so late.
I mean, we are always late so we end up
meeting each other at 1240 or so.

I still remember that I was rushing them
with Mingli at starbucks.

CAMWHORE :D

I need a haircut! I can't see things anymore.

So,
we went to Dragon i for lunch!

Bitch in short hair!

one of the famous dish there (; aweeesome.

And after that, Sook and I went to get jap ice cream
while the other two went to get their free gift or
something.

Redbox around 230pm
and yes, the usual us just come back.

We were a little bit more crazy
but not really.

Maybe because we are more 'mature' now
so we didn't jump on the sofa anymore -.-
And yeaaaah , things changed maaan.
We grow up, I suppose.

After redbox, we went around
helping ze bitch to get new clothes
since she's complaining that she don't have
clothes to wear and stuff.

Grabbed some clothes and dk why,
end up at baskin robins.
Pink day but didn't get one
since I ate jap ice cream in red box already.

finally wear this dress after 9740214702437 years.

like!

like!

And tooo FOS.

group picccaas :p

sook and I really very gay.

HAHAHAHAH.

stoned at starbucks , talking about life.
Then they go off around 6 something.

Daddy picked me up around 7 or so,
then we went to carrefour to get groceries.
WOW , my dad in carrefour .
I think the sun really gonna rise from west
already , mg.

(L)

lovvvve this.

And headed off around 830pm or so.
MCD ICE CREAM!

Had late dinner! BAK KUT TEH FTW :D


As I said,
Sook,Bitch,Ming and I really changed alot.
There's a no doubt to this.

Change.
I don't mean that we only change in outer looks.
We changed inside and overall.
Our attitude towards things , towards people
and things that we never thought of last time.
And we always think that we're not capable
without each other as backbones .

But, look at us now.
We're so independent.

We have different circles of friends
and maybe, we might not be as close
as last time anymore but at least,
we know that the bond is still there.

And looooook,
how much we changed.

Ming and I ; form one.
HOLY MAMA WTH. LOOK LIKE CRAP D:

Bitch and I ; form two.
My fringe is so cmi D:

Sook and I ; form two.
MY EYES SO SMALL MG.

Ming and I ; form threeeeee
okay, look better now.

sook and I ; form threee.
DURING FAHRENHEIT'S :D:D:D

Bitch and I ; form threeee.
love this picture like mad!

sook , bitch , i ; form threeee.
ponteng :P

All of us , formmm twooo .
At redbox.
Omg, I think redbox is where we always meet.

form threee . like !

and nao,
look at us .

bitch and I (L)

US, NAO.

Look at how much we changed .
And I believe that from pictures,
you should know what kind of
attitude we have now (; haha.

love you girls much.
Hope you all do the same too.

P.S BETTER LOVE ME, IF NOT I KEEEL YOU.


hhahahaah.


xoxo.

Don't let it get upside down because you look so pretty with the smile on.

And so, I am here to update whatever I am suppose to.
Well, this post will be full of pictures
and I'm trying to type as much as I can
because I realise, my post is lack of words
and have too many shitface of me here , hmmm..

Okay, that doesn't make any sense.
I should just keep it to myself.

SHOOOOO ,
On thrusday .

I went Genting one day trip with a few friends.
Well, we didn't want to call many people
since it was super last minute.
We kinda discuss it on sunday midnight,
which in Monday so yeaaaah.

Plus, it wouldn't be that nice with too many
people anyway .


Woke up around 630 am or so.
Got ready and Crazy gene came around 650am -.-
I thought he was joking but yeah , he did.

So I asked him to called Ming and Potato
and tell them that everyone's there
soooo, they will come earlier.

Called the came to be there around 715am
but the cab came ten minutes earlier.
Potato came and told us bout his stories
when he was rushing to come.
And Mingli came around 720 or later.

Took the cab to ou and decided to go for
the earliest bus which is 8am .
When we get the tickets, it's like 750 already.
And kevan haven't reach yet so yeah.



So we all got panicked and spam call kevan like mad.
And he was still in the car , omg.

It's 758am already and he wasn't there yet.
We didn't get up the bus incase he cannot see us.
The whole bus was full with uncles and aunties
and they were staring at us like mad.

So it's 8am, the bus uncle was about to go
so he asked us to leave a ticket there
and ask kevan to take another bus.

We were like , OH SHIT WHAT TO DO D:

and we decided to leave a ticket there for him
if not we need to pay all over again. Like omg D:

So we went in the bus , potato went to leave the ticket
at the counter and then, JENG JENG JENG.
Kevan ran from the other side just right on time.
Dramatic , can!

We were like so kanjiong about it.
but phewwwww . luckily.

So we got into the bus with all the midde aged people
stared at us like maaaaaaaad , so we went to the end.





Sorry laaaah! it was so boring okay.

And so,
we keep on talking and a few of them
keep turning back to look at us
because we were so loud.

Reached gohtong jaya round 850am or so.
Well, it was quite fast.

Potato , SON-IN-LAW#2

Ming.

And soo we reached the Genting skyway.
We walked around and had mexican bun!

It doesn't taste good because it's already cold!
4 for ten bucks . Well, that's what we get I suppose.

Then we headed to the cablecar

and off we go to genting!

kevieee.

Gene said potato have his cumface ==

Shooo,
we reached genting 15 mins later

I went all excited and so,
I request for a group picture hehe!

gene?

half of him

deng deng!

And so , all of us kinda miss our breakfast
except for kevan since he have his hokkien mee
already! That's one of the reason why is he late.
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmphhh

So we went over to the other side..

Mirrrrroooooors :D



Wanted to have Kenny Rogers but it was still close.
So we can only have fast food.
Have KFC instead and really, it's more expensive.
And McD doesn't have 595 over there!
Con money one!

I LIKEY THIS PICTURE SO MUCH :D

And yes , after we eat.
We go to the teeeaaampark !

Hello Hello Baby sorry I can't hear a thing,I got no service in genting you see you see.

Okay I shaddap!

Our first ride was the mini roller coaster thing.
Well, it only took us 20minutes since it's so early
and me and mingli was screaming like crap.
And omg la, we were like so loud D:

And we sat a few rides after that.
Am so sorry la, I too lazy to elaborate pfft.

This was at the go kart!
I am 165cm! so short D:

And we have to sign this contract thing.
So that if we die or something ,
they do not have to be responsible -.-

if this picture is brighter, it will look better.

shower cap ;p

like this picture, idk why.
From this .

to

this :p
OMG LAAAA AHHAHAHAHAHA.
They say I look like the canteen aunty -.-

minglliii :D

CARMEN AUNTY D:

keviee.

lisababy, if you're reading this.
Your husband cheek is so chubby and it's at the correct texture , LMAO.

We spend an hour or so on the go kart thing -.-

I put my bag at the front
and my shades fell off , I didn't know.
So potato picked it up for me
and when he return me , the two glass fell off.
OMG , so I have no choice but to throw.
Well, it's only 25bucks so nevermind lah.

And my go kart stopped for like a minute
and they gave us 5 minutes and I wasted one minute.
DAMN IT D: it's like I wasted more than an hour
or so and then I wasted a minute.
AHHHH , LIFE SO SAD.

I bought 5bucks orange juice to drink.
And it's so small. D:

WHY I SO GENEROUS D:



At the 4d theater.
DAMN SIEN ,CAN.



I am serious that it is dead boring.

When it is over,
all of us was like : HA OVER D AR? kind of thing.

Yes,
BR do taste better in genting, it's frigging nine bucks. MG.

Since we were so zzz.
We decided to go catch a movie or so.

And when we were at the station,
we go around this shop for food testing.
Okay, we were so stingy to buy anything.

lol!

We couldn't get the tickets for cable car.
And also , out tickets in the package was 7pm/
And it was so freaking late so yeah.

Got a taxi and squeeze in.
Mingli's life is damn sad.
Or I should say,
is sad since then.

HAHAHAHHAHAHAA.

Yes, she damn dulan.

Fell asleep and reached pyramid around 6pm
so we headed to simply penang for dinner
and also, for mingli to see her cute guy there
which work as the waiter LOL.

Okay, she got zha by the bus the whole time.

We got tickets for The expandables and step up 3.

Soooo,
gene and I went to get tickets.
I was so blind and thought it was at 7 for expandables
so i told them the same thing too.

650pm we went to get popcorns and stuff
and the light for cinema one was on
so we go there and got ready to get in.
End up, the fella say the light was for the
previous one and the movie was at 740pm.

Five of us , each with drink on the hand
and one with popcorn went like WHAAAAAT?

So we have no choice , we went to arcade for daytona.
Gene and Chinkeat spilt their drink. ftl HAHAAHA.

So we went for the movie
and I kinda likey it. Jet li's shoo cute!

And once it ends, we rushed for another movie
which was at 920pm and it was already 930.
So we ran out and up to the cinema then
go pee since I couldn't stand already.
Got out, the boys was still in toilet -.-

Gene took out his phone and it shows 918pm -.-
Potato's phone was fast == ASSSSS _l_

So we took our time and go in.

You know what ? Step Up 3 sucks a whole lot.
It totally wasted my time and money,
although the guy's damn hot.

I don't get it what is so nice about it.
And those people who said it's nice
really confuse me.

The question is ,
Do they really think it's nice
or because, they just follow our people?
If they are following ,
like please .. don't be so LOA , can.


So i went home around 1130pm.

Feel all satisfy.

Well at least,
I didn't waste a day.

And you know what ,
I am going up to genting with family again tmr.

I bet the adults is going to casino again -.-

Oh wait, I forget something!
I got sunburn after I come back from genting.
LIKE WHAAAAAAAAT?!
SUNBURN PFFFFFT D:

it's late already,
good night.

If you had spend sometime listen to me and not your friends,you do not need to look at me from far and afraid that I know , you do not need to act like how much you hate me , you do not need to lie , you do not need to pretend that you're okay, you do not need to hope that I don't realise
and most of all,
you might still have me now.

And remember ,
I never have any intention to leave , you pushed me away.

I miss you too.
come back?

x