I hate going through heartbreaks.
I totally hate the feeling when little things remind me of things I'm trying to forget. The more I try to forget, the more I remember. I hate how it goes and totally hate the feeling of something pulling my heart down, making me having a minor headache and sore eyes. I think I'm too ego , I just don't want to let my tears speak my sorrows. I don't want to seem so weak.
But,
just like other girls , I don't want to accept the truth because lies is what I wanna hear. I keep on finding excuses for you and for me. Keep on finding reason to continue everything that it's suppose to end.
You know what keeps me holding on?
Our memories.
To think back, you never hurt me before. Not even once. The worst thing you did to me was telling me you like someone else or probably you still do now. I don't know and I don't want to know either. Because, I know that you will try your hardest to be as harsh as possible so that I give up. I don't want you to hurt me, and yourself.
You were there during the hardest time of my life and you were there all along when sorrows almost drown me. You were there , just there without saying anything but you have no idea how comforted I felt.
I can remember all of our first time together and now, it still bring a smile to my face.
You see,
I can only remember how good you were.
But, I know that this doesn't belong to me anymore. We drifted apart although the feelings is still strong. Distance mattered us , and infact it's going to kill us sooner or later. It's a very good decision you made , to avoid yourself from me , from us. It must have took you a lot of bravery and time. I know that I probably sound like a desperate fool right now but, for once I want to be stupid at least , for you.
It's sick denying anyways.
It's hard to believe that you won't be here anymore. I know that you won't be there to listen to my rants , to hear me complain about my everyday anymore. I know that you're not going to there to buy me food and drinks when I'm hungry. I know that you're not going to wipe off my tears anymore. I know that you're not going to hug me to sleep or perhaps pat my back to sleep. I know that you're not going to come after me when I walk away anymore.
I'll move on and so do you.
I hope in future , I will smile when I hear your name and even better if our friendship could last long.
Treat yourself well and I will treat myself well too.
So,
good things comes to an end.
You're one of the good things that happened in my life.
Thanks for every tiny bit of memories you gave me.
I love you.
love,
Carmen.